Sunday, April 20, 2014

Situation where things seem so dreary

Have you ever been in a situation where things seem so dreary? You know in your bones that this is not what you want but you find yourself saying yes to a tiny improvement in the current situation, thinking that is going to last, that tiny improvement will fin
ally match up to what you really want? And when it doesn't match up, then it is a cycle of beating yourself up all over or possibly even resigning to the dreaded "Fate" .

Well, I am currently in that situation and fear is paralyzing me - should I move forward, is there even a way forward, what happens to my current sense of security, what if I don't get what I want, what will happen if I get what I want and I find out that it is not what I want or worse hate it worse than what I already have? The constant chatter does not end and worse it serves as a catalyst for the fears and become a self fulfilling prophecy!

Obviously, I am not going to write on and on about what is paralyzing me. The first two paragraphs should be sufficient! How do I move through and move through it in a graceful and compassionate manner - all of which is directed towards myself? Once I provide that for myself, it is easy for me to move through the cr*p that is holding me back. This is what I am doing and still a work in progress.

What emotion am I exactly feeling and how can I start feeling it? My cycles of emotion ranged from fear to morbid fear to paralyzing fear to sadness to helplessness to simply being tired and back up the chain. I have been articulating my feelings all along, not trying to be a super human and be quiet or be a bi*ch and yell at others!

I kept asking myself what can I do now to feel better about this situation? My first go to choice was to pray! Well, I recognized that it was my pattern for being stuck. So the second step is awareness of what I was doing to avoid whatever I am feeling. When I realized and recognized my pattern, I did something to break it. A very teeny tiny step like going out for a walk, writing a blog post, make tea or cook, read a book, listen to quran, anything at all. I am very proud of the tiny step. Scr*w world peace; this works for me!

Stop playing the role of a victim. Whenever I felt victimized, then it was easy to blame others and feel more powerless. I gave vent to my feelings but stopped short of blaming. I became very aware that any time I had a question or a doubt, in my moment of stillness, I knew the answer. It blew me away. How can I possibly know the answer to an unknown? Because I got the %%Q@#%#$%#$% feelings out of the way without any blame and suddenly I was actually able to hear my own intuition and the generous opinions that others have of me.